Category: August 2020

There is a lot of wisdom and knowledge and best practices in the world. But how do you feel when you know there’s something you should do, be, or feel—but you just aren’t there, for whatever reason? It’s a useless mind-game of weakness and anxiety. Do you know who gets to tell you when something is your priority? Holy Spirit, that’s who. Lay aside should. Trust your heart to recognize His voice.

“through fear of death became subject to slavery all their lives.” Ooph. Is that a gut-punch for anyone else?

A sore throat (don’t worry, no fever or anything else, I promise!) has been making 12-hour rounds around our house and this afternoon, it hit me. I’m betting I’ll be fine by morning, but right now, words are out of the question. But in other news, I went through Dax’s full daily curriculum today and it actually went pretty smoothly! I’m really thankful!

Seeya tomorrow.

Dax taught me what it means to fix your eyes. And honestly, it’s far more unnerving than I ever realized. When your eyes are fixed, do you even blink?

When I said I’d open my heart on a video every day, I set forth 3 simple criteria: open, honest, and nothing hidden. At the time, I had no concept of how difficult that would be, in terms of setting aside the simple to genuinely open my heart, to be honest about what was in there, and to not pre-filter/curate what I let you see. I’ve had to identify where I still operate in fear (and preoccupation). I think I’ve maybe hit the vein only a handful of times in the 144 videos I’ve done, and while that’s discouraging, it’s also deeply eye-opening. I defy you to open your heart genuinely, every day, and let people see what’s really in there.

Anyway, all that said, the Lord showed me what I was doing, in terms of slowly ebbing away from the established goal, and so I’m turning again to the main points: open, honest, and nothing hidden. Let’s face it–we generally do not live this way. I thought I did, until now. Turns out I spent far more of my days than I realized in a lesser standard of living–merely shifting from one obligation to the next (or recovering from that pattern.) Now that I see this, I’m inspired to continue what I set out to do here, even though the weight of the project and the demand of that vision are continuously more sobering to me.

I appreciate you being here, in whatever capacity that looks like. We may be 144 videos into this project, but frankly, that’s 144 lessons or practice sessions I would not have had, had I delayed or said no to this concept. I’m glad I’ve begun, I’m glad we are 144 videos in, and I’m glad every day has brand new grace in it. There’s so much more room for growth and possibility, and I’m taking every inch that comes my way. I sat still enough to know that neutrality is a straight lie.

Onward.

As mama, I feel constantly interrupted.